The Day We Decided There Was An Acceptable Number of Children Dead....

As we woke up this morning we began another day with mourning and senseless loss of life. I wish I felt more but as a colleague suggested, this is our new normal. Our new normal includes being desensitized to school violence. I was in high school when Columbine happened. I was naive and thought that it would never happen again, an isolated incident. Now there have been hundreds, HUNDREDS, of shootings at schools. Sandy Hook damn near broke me. We were parents of a newborn. Surely, after that devastation, KINDERGARTNERS KILLED, we would do something. Things on February 15, 2018 are EXACTLY the same as they were then, as they were at Columbine. The "safety measures" we've taken at schools across the country are not working. At what point will be decide that enough children have died? When will we not instantly go to the straw man argument that "well the shooter was mentally ill" to cover up our own inequity? When will we decide that no other children should die while learning how to complete domino math? Of course many will discount my arguments and say, "blue liberal snowflake", "you'll never suspend my 2nd amendment rights", "guns don't kill people, people kill people." You're absolutely right, I am liberal, I frequently vote democrat. I also don't think I'll ever be able to suspend 2nd amendment rights. And in reality, even the 3rd statement is true at its basic tenant.

As a professor at a university now and with a child in school I often feel the trepidation of giving a student a well-deserved low grade because, what if? I worry that each day, perhaps my Kindergartner won't come home. Or one of her friends won't either. Even with our faith, our community, and our deep commitment to peace, I won't know what to do or how to explain that. Fast are the statistics that one of our children is likely to be harmed by gun violence. It's terrifying. Perhaps I won't come home because someone would rather KILL ME than repeat a course. THIS HAPPENS. 

I'm sad, I'm really sad. I used to be mad. Now I'm just sad and lost on how to be more active in preventing this. 

Difficult Days

Everyone has bad days. Everyone has really bad days. Then there are the mean red's days. Today was a mean red. As with most aspects of my life I cannot go into details but to say that there is an air of funk would be an understatement. Things are just crappy. I always try to be transparent in my assessment of life situations. I am smart enough and self-aware enough to know that my part in situations is not always benign. I always have an opportunity to approach my reaction differently. I often play the shoulda, coulda, woulda game. I should have been more approachable. I could have listened more. I would have seen the other point of view. And sometimes I have to stop myself because actually, sometimes things are out of your control and you handle things as well as you could have hoped to.

Sometimes you are thrust into difficult decisions and you must draw the line and pick a side. As decisions are made, consequences will follow. These are the cycles of life. So until a calm period comes, I will face each day with bravery, with authenticity, and love.
https://youtu.be/QUQsqBqxoR4