Finding your village

A dear friend recently told me that one of the most challenging but good things about relationships is that our level and depth of relationships change. Some become closer, others move farther away. The genuineness of the relationship may stay the same but how we interact in those relationships changes and that is okay. Lately I've realized that in order to continue to develop I need to work on how to foster and grow some of my relationships and how to gently release others so that both parties can move along their journey. 

Yesterday, during a much needed catch up with one of my dearest soul sisters she reminded me that some people are here for reasons, seasons, or lifetimes. Moreover she pointed out that sometimes seasons are temporary and that we will find people who come in, go out, and then reappear, changed but still at their core who they have always been. As a woman, in my (almost mid!?!?!?) 40's I find this more and more true each day. When you're in college or right after you are thrown into adulthood and some of the friends you make are simply because you are at a job 40hrs + a week, your kids go to school or play sports together, you run in the same social circles. Once you get into your 40's, although some of that still exists, you begin to wittle down the circle. You still care deeply for those who once occupied much of your life but you begin to realize that in order to keep the chaos in check, the friend group often receeds. 

My three closest girlfriends are all very different people. One is a an empy-nester who is moving into the next phase of parenting and parenting after losing one of her kids. One is in the thick of active-duty parenting and she is also a working outside the home mom of two glorious souls and lives in the upper midwest. The last lives in Texas and is parenting and coparenting with her spouse. One thing we all have in common is we are all healthcare providers. We are all mothers. And we are all fully invested in keeping these connections alive. Across the miles. Through texts, phone dates, meems, Marco Polos, and sometimes just a voicemail on a busy day between "things". We understand that distance, both physical and emotional doesn't mean we don't love eachother or care about what is going on but that sometimes life is just so very busy. Each of them know that without hesitation or reservation I would drop my work and get on a plane or in my car and I'd be there as soon as I was able. I love these women fiercely and they love me back. 

So for all of us out here, living life. Working on all our dimensions, I salute you. Keep doing the things. Rest when needed. Never give up. Find your village. Love them well. 

Timing is everything

The last seven months have been really challenging. In the best and most hard ways. In the last seven months we picked up and moved, came to a different state, changed our kids schools and friends, left jobs, started new jobs, learned about tornados, celebrated with family, watched our daughters and son continue to grow and thrive. Learned to trust in the plans as they unfold. Saw me through a huge step up in my career, saw the Vicar make it through 3/4 of a liturgical year, and have had the pleasure of seeing our most cherished friends move back to Oklahoma while also making new friends who embrace the chaos that is our life. 

And all the while continuing to chug along on our way. Figuring out who we are, how we fit into this new community, how we change and grow and continue to meet each other's needs, the needs of the PKs, of my students, of the Vicar’s flock, and how we show up for ourselves. Some days it is “easy” and other days it feels insurmountable. Both of us know that we are exactly where the Lord led us. And even when it’s scary and challenging, we continue to move forward and do what we can to reassure, support, cheer, mourn, grow, and reflect to ensure we are continuing to listen, to lead, and to be led. 

As I sit here we have a PK who is at her “boyfriend’s” lake house for the afternoon and dinner. We knew the day was coming but if I’m honest it is not easy. But what can you do but ensure the kid knows the boundaries, send them off with appropriate supervision, and pray that you’ve done what you can to ensure they make good choices. We are seeing the inching towards independence get stronger every day and while I’m happy that we’ve raised respectful and compassionate humans, it is equal parts sad and a little scary. And I definitely know that the veteran parents know what I’m talking about. As a wise veteran mom told me “from the moment they are born, you begin the process of letting go, the process of learning how to walk around with a part of your heart outside your body”. It’s the wildest of feelings and completely true. 

So as we continue through the summer and shortly welcome another school year, I am gonna lean hard into the trusting phase. Because it is only the beginning. LYMI. Make it weird.