It's been a year

 The inevitable look-back and reflection on the past year has begun. This has been another wild trip around this huge floating rock. Geographical, emotional, psychological, and physiological changes. We began this year in a temporary and liminal space. We knew we had less than 6 months left where we were living and we knew that the changes were on the horizon. We had made it through so many things and were prepping for more. We were actively looking for the next call for the Vicar. I say "we" because when your spouse is on the search, your entire family is as well. I was weighing options for jobs in case things didn't work out that I could stay where I was. The clergy family life is one where you know that your job needs to either be very flexible or you will be changing jobs based on the geography. I'm fortunate that my occupation allows for that flexibility but it could have meant that I was no longer in academia. I would love to say that we were excited to welcome 2022 but it was a mixed bag really. We were grateful for entering the year with work, a stable home for our kids, and health but there were a lot of floating questions. 

The first quarter of 2022 brought a ton of answers, seemingly all at once. A confluence of "god things" that brought an opportunity for the Vicar. An opportunity for me which would allow me to remain in academia and support his call. Really, things worked out just as the plan was drawn. By April we had a call, I had a job, we were in the throws of searching for a home. We began to prep the kids to close out their school year. We began to pack. 

May would bring the purchase of a home we never saw in person. Talk about letting the Spirit lead. We wouldn't see our home until we closed. If you know me, that is pretty antithetical to who I am and how I work. But as we say, "the Lord works in mysterious ways." We were able to move into our home the Monday before Memorial Day. We had a couple of weeks to settle and the Vicar began his call the first weeks in June. We spent the summer settling in and learning about our new town. The kids settled in for a long summer vacation. I was able to work from home which was such a blessing. I finished work for my former job and sent my beloved students out into the world. Always the coming and going but it was a pretty awesome summer. 

The Fall brought a new school start for the kids and being the amazing kids they are they settled in and formed friendships. We found a preschool for PK 5.0 and he thrived. I finally got to settle into working from home. The Vicar kept toiling away. We had a good visit from the Vicar's parents and it was nice for them to see this part of our world. We lost a dear friend and for many reasons we weren't able to give a proper goodbye but I have a feeling he saw us cheers him during a beautiful sunset happy hour on our porch. We miss you Rob. The next thing we knew the holidays were coming in hot. 

Thanksgiving brought an opportunity to get away and for the Vicar to guest spot at another church in our diocese. Most importantly we got to embrace some quality time with our dear friends from seminary. The winter holidays were great if not weird, thanks a bunch Covid. But the Vicar made it through his first Advent and is embracing Christmastide. And now we are a mere 35 hours till 2023. 

We've grown. We've laughed until our bellies hurt. We've nursed illness and reveled in health. We have watched the wind blow and felt the heat. We have seen 221 amazing sunsets and cannot wait to see many more. As I sit here typing I'll say again, I love you. You are such an amazing addition to my life and that of our family. I pray for you daily and hope that know how treasured you are. Here is to another year of making it weird and amazing. Happy New Year friends and framily. 

#ItsBeenAYear #365RecordLowsAndRecordHighs #Reflect #MakeHomeWhereYouAre #MakeItWeird #ILoveYou

The Word for 2023

 Several years ago I came across the practice of picking a word for the coming year. Folks on the interwebz came to know their word through several mediums. For some it was prayer. For others it was a word that kept popping up in their daily lives. In 2020 my word was peace. Peace for myself. Peace of my family. Peace for the world that was struggling. Oh how appropriate that meditation would come to be. In 2021 it was value. That word would lead to a job change. It would an exercise in learning my worth and valuing what I bring to the table and learning to gently let go of things that did not align with my values. 

2022 brought a resurgence of a need for a peace. So I made protect my peace the phrase. This was empowering and challenging. So often when we let go of things that no longer bring us joy, make life worth living, and that may cause us harm we are tempted in moments to remove boundaries for temporary soothing but 2022 was about standing on this side of those boundaries and learning to move through life and the events life throws with grace, grit, and learning to find the peace and strength in knowing that this too shall pass. 

As 2023 came into focus I began by praying and meditating on what my focus word should be. For me this new year will be spent reframing. Reframing my thoughts, my actions, and my understandings. It is so easy to become ensconced in the same thoughts and ideas, especially when we exist in echo-chambers. Lately I am worried that most of us live in and amongst those who think similarly than we do and do so to a point that we become insulated to views and people that can help us reframe our thinking to consider other points. Now let me be clear, I do not believe we need or should surround ourselves with people who are hurtful to us or wish us harm, I'm talking about being open to being stretched and learning to roll with things that make us uncomfortable. Growth isn't linear. As a therapist I believe that we grow in rest and stretching. I believe we need both to reach our potential. I've heavily rested and I'm now ready to be stretched. 

I hope that 2023 gives us all an opportunity to rest and to grow. The last 3 years have been tough but so are we. We can do hard things. We can learn to exist in a world that is completely different. We can choose to love with great abandon and recognize that love can look different than we imagined or wanted. We can let go of those things that no longer serve good purpose and wish those people or things well as they continue on their journey. We can hold ourselves and others accountable but do so with grace and justice. We can remember and hold on while letting go. As I gently let go of 2022 I am going to bid it farewell with grace, love, and thankfulness. I am going to welcome 2023 with arms and a heart that is wide open. There will be struggles and victories. I will be soft and strong. I will be loved and I will love. I will remember with clarity and forgiveness and I will live each day. I will rest and I will work. I will be gentle with myself and I will be hard on myself. 

Here we go fam, 2023 is coming. Let's step into it with strength and grace. #Reframe #WordOfTheYear

In like a lion, still waiting for that lamb.

 Being the third in a string of close children hasn't always been easy. But from the night you were born, you've never been the baby. Not one single day. Some kids have that birth order energy, ya, you turned that on its head. You waited until the very last moment to grace us with your presence, and honestly I should have paid more attention to that, it is still true. Your sweet baby face was wise from birth. An old soul who has not many cares to give and will challenge me on the color of the sky. At least I know where you get it from. 

The last 5 years have been hard on you. You thrive in routine and the life of a clergy family is always about transition. You are the kid who has a BFF from PreK. You find comfort in the monotony of daily life and really doesn't want or need big surprises to be happy. You trust that things will work out but you feel big. Real big at times. That my dear heart is where we lock horns. Both stubborn and set in our ways, but also similarly, we are quick to forgive and we know that no matter what, that stubbornness is met with great love. I trust the process and know that someday those big feels will bring forth good fruit. You love big and you call out injustice big. Keep doing that. 

This is your last year of single digits. And when I think of that, I think back to that quiet still night you were born. I often wonder if having you at home, relying on the strength of millions of women before me to make it through delivery, if that is where you gather your strength. I truly believe my sweet great grandma helped usher you through the veil. I sure hope so. Let their strength and guidance fill your heart and soul. Trust your gut but do the things that scare you. I promise I'll be waiting just inside the door. 

This next year I hope you continue to find yourself. Explore the greatness and wide open space that this world is. You'll be better for it. Try new things that are hard. Learn to be okay with sucking at something at first. Mama and Daddy love you so much. We cannot wait to celebrate you and all that you are and will become. Our love is endless. Be you and live. Happy Birthday my love. #3287DaysAndCounting #NMC #Loving&Giving #FridaysChild

Many nicknames, one legend, DD

 2557 days ago you came into the world to fill out what we thought would be the last spot in our family. Mama was so very tired, working like a fiend (thanks craptastic maternity leave US) to make sure I had some time with you after you arrived. 39 weeks and 5 days, you were set to be evicted from your cozy nest but you were ready. That early morning ride to the hospital just down the street and check in with Nikki cause Daddy had to wait until Grandma could get to Reno to watch your excited siblings. Your labor and delivery was "textbook". I was able to have a full-circle experience at the hospital where your oldest sister was born. The advocate in me was prepared to make sure things went smoothly, they did. Everyone we needed to come that day showed up. Fr. Kirk came and offered so much support. And in the nick of time your Godmudder showed up literally seconds before you were born. The moments after your birth, as she picked you up and you looked at her and looked over to me, still brings me to tears. It was the perfect book end. 

The mama you have is different but so much wiser than your siblings had. I only had three weeks with you at home but they were sweetness and mercy wrapped in fluffy soft blankets. Exactly what we needed. 

Now you're seven. I'm not sure how that has happened. To you Texas is home. You have always known your daddy as a priest (or on his way to be one). You are fiery and passionate. You love your siblings, especially that Hees. You are bouncing curls with a whole lot of sass. You are unstoppable. I often wonder how this will play out with you and I'm certain that no matter what life has in store for you, it will be met with joy and fierceness the likes of which many have never seen. You will always be my baby girl but you're well on your way to letting the world know you aren't a baby. 

As you navigate this next trip around the sun, know that Mama and Daddy will always be ready to be tagged in. You keep making a lot of noise. The world deserves to hear your voice. Be kind and take no shit. Fight for what is right. Make good trouble. And don't forget your bonnet! Happy birthday my sweetness. I hope you have the best day. I love you to the 9th planet, around all the stars and back. #DEC #Grace #TuesdaysChild

Mountains, Make Ready

As life so frequently does, my roll of writing daily on the #AdventWord has interrupted yesterday and the day before. But as we do, we give ourselves grace and begin again. The last three words have been mountains, make, and ready. I think this is ironic because in the last twenty-four hours I was worried about a child being sick, I got word that I was accepted into a program that has been on my to-do list for a few years, and the term at my university is winding down. Isn't life so often just a series of making ready for the mountains we are asked to walk? As a student, a teacher, a spouse, a mother, and friend my life is filled with so many adventures. Some of them are scary and some are exhilarating. For me, they are often both, sometimes at the same time. 

As I meditate on how this process of making ready and mountains relates to Advent, I am taken back to what is has been like to get to this day. To always be thinking about where we go from here. How to get to the next point "B". I am so grateful for the journey. This journey is beautifully messy and sometimes chaotic but it's mine and I am so excited to see what comes next. 

As you journey towards the light of the day ahead, take a moment if you can, and just be proud of your journey. Every step led to where you are. I'm proud of you and I love your tenacity and steps made everyday. We are getting there.