Most people know that all of my life I have shared the day of my birth with my mother. We were born exactly, to the minute, 24 years apart. I think for most of my life, she has enjoyed getting to spend her birthday in conjunction with mine. As a child, I never had a birthday cake or celebration, when she was present, without her also being included. For most people, especially those that enjoy joint celebrations this is probably not a big deal. However, I have always wanted to have a day that was just mine. Call me selfish if you'd like. You wouldn't be the first.
Birthdays are special days that are meant to be, perhaps the only day of the year that belongs to you at least in your family unit (yes I know all about twins/triplets). It is supposed to be the day that those closest to you celebrate you. Celebrate that you were born and it should feel special. My birthday has rarely felt that way. The reasons behind these feelings are vast, painful, and challenging to reconcile. The VIT has been wonderful about making birthdays special for me and our children. He goes above and beyond each and every year. I am so appreciative that since the age of 28 I have never had to share a birthday cake, celebration, or day with anyone else. Again, if that makes you think I'm selfish or prideful, it is okay with me. They have been wonderful.
Recently, after much thought, therapy, and prayer I made the decision to no longer allow hurtful family members to be involved in my life or that of my family and children. This decision was not easy but it was necessary. My mother is included in this decision. I wish her no ill-will or harm but I need to be able to move beyond deep trauma and hurt and I simply cannot do that with her as part of my life. I pray she finds her own sense of peace. I hope she has joy and love. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes the best way for us to love someone is to let them go, wish them love and light, and move forward without them. I recognize that some reading this will not understand this action and that is ok. You don't have to understand or agree. We can still be friends, acquaintances, and family. But I will not be changed in this.
With this new development, I began thinking of how I might feel less sadness surrounding my birthday. I have always thought about what I might do when my mother passed. After more thought, I have decided that I will celebrate my birthday on February 12th instead of the 4th. Of course, this doesn't mean I get to be 8 days younger but it is symbolic for me to write the rest of my life story in a way that feels authentic and transparent to me.
If you have known me for a long time I ask, respectfully that you accept this change. I am excited to celebrate with my sweet family on Saturday.
Here is to celebrating life, with all its changes and opportunities. Here's to a life that is filled with spirit, happiness, joy, and most of all gratefulness in all things.
Blessings on your journey and mine <3
