5 days post surgery

 Today marks the end of the 5th-day postoperatively. Today also marks the first 5 days I've taken off since the beginning of the pandemic. I actually took 5 WHOLE days off work. For those that know me, that's a huge deal. Even when on maternity leave, of my own doing, I was checking email. I was checking blackboard. I was monitoring because my work has been such a huge part of my existence. This time, it was different. I went so far as to take the day before my surgery off to prepare myself, mentally, and physically for what was coming. I got plenty of sleep. I saw my therapist. I met with several friends via zoom, and I made it weird ;) I did all the things I felt like I needed to do, and not one of those things revolved around work. And it was good. 

I told my students that I would be unavailable to answer questions. My co-teachers stepped in and handled things at the beginning of last week. They made sure my work life was covered. For that, I am more grateful than I can adequately express. I politely and swiftly refused a couple of meetings before surgery scheduled immediately after surgery as I wanted to give myself permission to actually just rest. It was probably the most grown-up I've felt in a very long time. In true type-A fashion, I had all the plans and backups for my backups. My sweet friends from coast to coast and all points in between sent care packages to our family and me. They knew me and knew I was nervous and wanted to make sure my kids and the Curate were taken care of from meals to flowers, candy and cookies, and downtime activities for us all. Sweet succulents (cause surgery success) and candles and sweet bobbles (that strawberry lip balm) that made me feel deeply loved to consistent texts and prayers from everyone including our sweet nanny, you know you're loved and appreciated. 

Today was my first day with the kids on our own without the Curate (he had a week of "vacation" planned, some vacation). It went well. The kids pitched in and helped with the Monster PK 5.0. They allowed me to rest as needed. We are so fortunate to have kids who understand and value teamwork and pitching in. And the PK 5.0, God bless him, took an extra long nap this morning. It was a good day. We got some things done in prep for the return to school for the PK's 1, 2, and 3 (we don't know how long the virus will hold off, but we pray and we mask and we sanitize) tomorrow. We did laundry, I rested, we did some Covid haircuts/trims, and baths and bedtime. I was able to grade some overdue student work, but it is getting slogged through. God bless my very gracious students.

Before I put my head to the pillow tonight, I wanted to say that I am so thankful for all the people and ways that love showed up this week while I am definitely still recovering. I am always amazed at how we build our circles, and when we need them, they show up. I hope others feel my presence when needed. This final week before my favorite time of the entire year, I felt all the things we should. Grateful in all things. Grateful that although it was difficult to do, I made a decision that will prayerfully allow me many more years with my children and the Curate in good health. Grateful for friends, family, and framily that show up and keep showing up. Grateful that I didn't catch the Rona or spread the Rona to anyone. May it remain that way. Grateful that my kids and husband felt loved and showed up while I was down for the count. Grateful that this season of Advent, this season of anticipation, I can continue to regain strength and wholeness. That at the end of the season, as we celebrate a new year, that I can continue to keep close at mind and even closer at heart, the lessons I learned this Thanksgiving. Connection, relationship, and showing up with love are the things that matter. The rest is just stuff. Thank you again to everyone. Blessings as we Hope, Love, Joyfully, and Peacefully await the coming Savior. For my non-Christian friends, blessings in your presence and joy in knowing and loving you. May you feel the love we have now and always.

Making it weird since 2020 with lots of love,

J

Let's Make It Weird

 I saw a meme recently that said we should normalize saying "I love you" to our friends. I have had those words and that sentiment on my mind ever since. I miss my friends. I'm so thankful for the technology that allows me to remain in contact with them. However it is not the same. I miss being able to feel another human being as I give them a hug. I miss being able to see the smile that forms when you see your friend walking towards you. I miss the connection with humans (aside from the other 6 that live in the vicarage). 

Tomorrow I will undergo a necessary surgery. This is somewhat unexpected but by all accounts should be routine and uneventful. However, as 2020 has shown us, nothing is guaranteed. So while I have your attention, I Freaking Love You So Much. If you read this, know that you are loved. That someone in the deep part of Central Texas sends you loving thoughts and longs for you to be happy. Some may say I'm being morbid (the Curate often gets irritated with my comfort with death) but I think we never know what can happen (and when you work in the medical field you know what can happen) and so before I check myself in tomorrow, I just wanted to say what I know. I love you. Hopefully I'll be happily (likely somewhat drug induced) reporting from my room at the hospital tomorrow. But if I'm not, know that you are deeply loved. I choose to make it weird. You were warned. Wash your hands, wear your mask, and tell your friends you love them. 

Grateful November

In the summer of 2008, I first met Brian. Brian was an angel sent from God to help me keep going. Okay, I know that sounds dramatic, but legitimately, he's one of two people kept me from walking away from my career. He saw a struggling, sad, lost young woman who needed someone to tell her to buck up and keep going. He was funny. He took me to lunch. He would read over my notes. He told me that the shade being thrown by my first CI was bullshit. He gave me my confidence back. He saw things I didn't. He didn't let me give up. After that rotation, I went on to graduate. I became licensed. We parted ways, but I never forgot him. 

Several years we found each other on Facebook. We proceeded to have small conversations. We both moved on from bad relationships and found our forever Bry(i)ans. We shared moments from our lives. We saw each other's life from a distance. Always supportive. Always kind. I learned about the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. We shared a love of Christmas. I cheered from a state away when he and his Brian married at Disneyland. I lamented them being so close but so far away. 

Fast forward to the Great Quarantine of 2020. Brian checked in on my several times a week. Sometimes it was just our little emoji. He swooped in, like he does, and made sure I was good. I wasn't, and I told him that. He would follow up. He's kinda my hero. He is not only one of the best PTs I know; he is just an amazing human. As we have managed our lives through this, I am so delighted to be in pretty regular communication with him. He's amazing. 

Brian, you are a wonderful human. Thanks for helping a broken girl become the badass boss girl she was always meant to be. You are a light to our world. I will ALWAYS lift your voice. I will ALWAYS fight to ensure your rights are protected. I will ALWAYS throw shade when the haters come out. Thank you for loving me through my stages. You're my hero. Thanks for being there with a star.