Avon and White Shoulders

Day before yesterday I was just having one of those days. The days that you feel abundantly blessed but also find yourself deeply missing someone. That day I was missing my Meme. Meme, otherwise known by her given name Myrtle, is my maternal great grandmother. I was fortunate to not only have her near me through my early twenties but we actually lived with one another for large chunks of my childhood. Meme was everything that a grandmother could be. She was adoring and a soft lap to sit or fall into. She cooked better than anyone I know. She made the best tortillas that you've EVER tasted. She always had a pot of beans simmering on the stove. There was very little that couldn't be talked through or problem solved over a big steaming bowl of beans and a few homemade tortillas. Made with real lard and smothered in butter.

As I grew up she taught me many things. She taught me to sew. She taught me how to love. She taught me how to make those beans. She taught me how to get up everyday and put one foot in front of the other. She showed me strength and softness. She was always very real about the good and the bad in life. She was one to tell me hard things. She, never once, gave me even the faintest inclination that she was disappointed in me. She challenged my mind and my heart to grow and change.

For many years after her passing I felt a lot of emptiness. I felt a longing for what she was missing. She missed my wedding. She missed her great-great-grandchildren being born. And every time I thought of those things she was missing I could hear her say, "but there would never have been a good time for me to go." She is correct, about her being gone, about so many things. About 10 years after her passing my first child was born. In a quiet moment early one morning I was looking down on my newborn child and had an overwhelming sense that she was near, the room was filled with the scent of Avon lotion and White Shoulder perfume. My sad heart was lifted. I knew she was there. She was looking down at my sweet girl and wanted to let me know that she would always be there. This same phenomenon would happen after each birth. These are precious moments in my life. When I miss her now, I almost always have some sign that she is near. Perhaps it's a chemical reaction in my brain that remembers the scent, maybe it's a wayward breeze, but perhaps, it's a tiny wisp of heaven sent to make me remember that I'm never far from her. I choose to believe that it is just that.

So as I journey through this life, I'm granted small remembrances of her. I love you Meems. I miss you. Until I see you again, love and light. Come visit me anytime.

Hospitality

Hospitality is word that is transformational for me. Last year I was introduced to the idea of radical hospitality. This isn't merely the idea of being open to being hospitable, but in actively and intentionally seeking out opportunities to be hospitable towards those you know and even more importantly, those whom you don't. A dear friend combines this idea of hospitality with the practice of "coming from a place of yes." As it was explained to me, coming from a place of yes is understanding that just when you are at the tipping point, when you cannot fathom doing one more thing, something inevitably will seek you out.

Coming from a place of yes means that initially you approach all possible requests from a place of acceptance. At first I found this overwhelming, how can I possibly say yes when I am already so burdened and tired? Doesn't that go against my belief in boundaries and self-care? How does this coming from a place of yes fulfill me? How do I balance everything and say yes? Slowly I learned that coming from a place of yes does not mean you actually say yes to EVERYTHING. It means that instead of instantly going to my default, which sheepishly is no, I give myself and my mind a minute to approach it from a place of yes and if not yes, at least maybe. I wanted to try and see if this practice would make a difference in my life.

For the past few weeks I have intentionally been trying to come from a place of yes. At first it was scary. So much to do. So much to balance. But as the days came and went I realized that I was actively and instinctively saying maybe and yes much more and yet my calendar, my physical time, was not necessarily overly burdened. This practice began changing my heart. I realized that saying yes, at least internally, allowed me to face each request, each possibility with positive vibes. The byproduct has been a great sense of internal peace and perhaps outwardly a more peaceful Dr. Mrs. Vicarage.

I intend to continue this practice. It is a good for my soul. If you are near or far, know that my home, my heart, and my family are going to come from a place of yes. #radicalhospitality #comingfromaplaceofyes #VIT #DrMrsVicarage

Grandparents

Today is Grandparent's Day. At the girls preschool they will have various kiddos share their grandparents this morning. Days like today are a double-edged sword. There will be happiness that they have special visitors but also sadness that their beloved grandparents are not there. Such is life sometimes. We've often lived far from our family so we are pretty good with learning how to love and be loved from afar. Today though, I think about how fortunate I was to live not just near but with my grandparents and my great grandmother for so much of my life. While I can see the complications of multi-generational living, especially as a parent, it is such a rich and unique experience for children. My mom never had to worry about "childcare" or babysitters. There was always someone there. I also had a lot of academic, emotional, and psychological support. I always had four people who literally poured themselves into my growing up.

I am so fortunate that my children have  two sets of loving grandparents. They are also so fortunate to have a still-living great-grandparent. In their life they have/had so many wonderful people who were surrogate and bonus grandparents. They are really fortunate children. Today, I wish some of those people were near but we know they send their love from afar. We love you and appreciate you all.

If you're an adult and you have/had a positive relationship with your grandparent(s) reflect on that today. Think about all the wonderful things they did and do for you. There will never be anyone to take their place but be open to others who can help fill your heart. Love them.

To all the grandparents out there, thank you for loving us. For taking us in. For healing and sheltering us. For being the parents sometimes. You are appreciated. You are loved. Happy Grandparent's Day.

Ain't No Mountain High Enough

One of the most interesting parts of our marriage is that the VIT and I have been studying together as a large part of our "alone time" for the better part of 3 years. We literally have an office with two desks, we often compromise on the background music, and we get to work. We used to slog through the work at a snail's pace and grumbled. After several years we understand that this is just part of our life in this season. We see the value in bouncing ideas off one another. Having the other proof things. Sharing frustrations. Sometimes yelling at the PK's to go the hell to sleep.

He has been my rock. My biggest supporter. My sounding board when things were thick with doubt. I'm grateful he understands not only me but the process of learning. My worries are halved, my joys are doubled. I'm a lucky and blessed person to have such a pillar of support. It definitely makes the sacrifices of sleep, time with our kids, with each other (outside of studying) and the financial commitments worth it. I hope I am those things to him.

As we embark on new terms together, it feels a bit like getting on the merry-go-round that is going full-throttle. We will find our battle rhythm here in a few days. The best part of this VIT-life is having a whole host of people to help us supplement our time. To pick up where we slack off. To help fill the void that our jobs and schooling impart on our lives. We thank you. Our community.

See you at midterms!