James

Jamie and I have known each other for 3706 days or 10 years, 1 month and 23 days. She was one of my first colleagues when I started my first OT job. Although she is a PT (really a closet OT as well) she knew what it was like to be a new kid at work, far from home, with not much support. As with most southern born and raised people she was one of the first to introduce herself and asked me to eat lunch with her. I must have looked so terrified. We had quite an eventful day that day. The hospital lost it's emergency back up generators during a regular test of the system. Trial by fire has always been a part of my career. I pretty much stuck with Jamie that day.

As I became more comfortable in my new career and time passed Jamie and I began hanging out more. We had a lot in common and she could always tell when I needed a hug or a kick in the pants. She had a great apartment and Harley the cat. She was what I wanted to be. She was confident. She was sure of her path and loved her job. Patients, they were some of her biggest fans. She could and still can sweet talk a honey badger into doing exactly what she wants. She made me more confident and never made me feel less than.

Fast forward several years, she stood beside me at my wedding. She drove in a damn snowstorm and we slept in a room without a door. I got to be by her side when she married. She was one of first PK's visitors in the hospital. Then she moved. It was heart breaking for both of us.

As we both added more kids, changed jobs, pretty much have lived life, we have been there for each other. She is a godmother to one of our PK's. She has "been there" for every milestone. She's prayed for me, with me, and over me too many times to count. She is and will continue to be one of life's greatest blessings. She knows all the pieces of me.

As we continue into this next decade of our lives together I hope she knows the impact she has had on my life. The successes I've had were partially made possible because of her love from afar. Somehow she always knows when I need her. When we just need to hear each other's voice. Each other's laugh.

You are the wind in my sails. Near or far, never apart. Love you James.

The Vicarage...what does it all mean?

Welp, now that the break between terms, at least for me and the kids, is done we get back into our normal battle rhythm. The Vicarage becomes a place of intermittent chaos. The days are quiet. Everyone is gone or silently coming and going and there is a stillness that is both amazing and unnerving for me. I am glad that I am not committed to sitting in that stillness for long stretches of time. Today, as I drove in the early morning light after school drop off, I found myself searching, in prayer, for the words to express what is in my heart. I am thankful, I am sad, I am worried, I am joyous, I am grateful, I am so many indescribable things. I found myself tearing up, as I often do, and for no particular reason. Today, I decided to just let the tears flow. And they did. It felt amazing and necessary. I was not sorrowful. I believe this was one of the tender miracles that comes from a life that is full and well lived. Sometimes that fullness is just too much for the soul. Sometimes that fullness needs an outlet.

As I venture into new roles professionally, continue on the road of parenting the PKs-in-training, work on being a supportive spouse, and somehow maintaining the life that resides independently around all of those things I will learn to navigate the stillness. I will learn to embrace that stillness. To learn that stillness isn't something to fear. Maybe is a gift from God, to let us see what unencumbered thoughtfulness looks and feels like? Goal: become okay with the quiet.