Welp, now that the break between terms, at least for me and the kids, is done we get back into our normal battle rhythm. The Vicarage becomes a place of intermittent chaos. The days are quiet. Everyone is gone or silently coming and going and there is a stillness that is both amazing and unnerving for me. I am glad that I am not committed to sitting in that stillness for long stretches of time. Today, as I drove in the early morning light after school drop off, I found myself searching, in prayer, for the words to express what is in my heart. I am thankful, I am sad, I am worried, I am joyous, I am grateful, I am so many indescribable things. I found myself tearing up, as I often do, and for no particular reason. Today, I decided to just let the tears flow. And they did. It felt amazing and necessary. I was not sorrowful. I believe this was one of the tender miracles that comes from a life that is full and well lived. Sometimes that fullness is just too much for the soul. Sometimes that fullness needs an outlet.
As I venture into new roles professionally, continue on the road of parenting the PKs-in-training, work on being a supportive spouse, and somehow maintaining the life that resides independently around all of those things I will learn to navigate the stillness. I will learn to embrace that stillness. To learn that stillness isn't something to fear. Maybe is a gift from God, to let us see what unencumbered thoughtfulness looks and feels like? Goal: become okay with the quiet.
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