This year will be the 7th birthday I've spent in Texas. Sometimes it feels like yesterday that I drove with tears streaming down my face, hating every mile. Determined to despise the entire step of the journey. Living for "when we are done here." That first year and birthday were absolutely miserable. I wanted nothing more than to just "go home." I hated the mosquitos, the humidity, the oak trees, the frat boys who lived across and down the street, I hated the smell of the air, I hated the cedar fever and the seminary, I hated every step. I woke up angry. I went to sleep sad and depressed. I found very little joy. It was a really hard year.
To try and turn things around I started going to counseling, started seeing a spiritual director because truth be told, I was angry at God for giving the Vicar a call that took us so far from our circle of support. One of the most influential people during that time was a professor at the seminary who lovingly and willingly was the chaplain to the spouses (I'm not sure if it was official or unofficial). She met me where I was at. She validated the hard. She also told me that essentially I had two choices: 1. Find at least one thing each day that I liked about Texas/the seminary/this season of life or 2. Fully embrace my miserable state and keep being angry and made sure to add, that the time was going to pass anyway. It was what my miserable ass needed to hear.
Each day, for nearly 2 years I found 1 positive thing or I liked about where I was. And as you can imagine some days were easier than others. Somedays it was that although it was February and there were mosquitos our grass was the loveliest shade of green. Somedays it was for the incredibly chosen family we found here. On the best of days, it was grateful for family and friends that visited. There were still many hard days. But I found a lightness that I hadn't known before.
Now that Texas is our home and our kids are thriving, the Vicar loves his churches and his job, I enjoy my extracurricular activities and am skilled in loving where I'm at I'm so grateful for that choice to love it. This is the only life we get and when we get down to brass tacks, we can find the joy or we can be miserable, but the time will pass anyway. Romanticize your life, it's the only one you get!
As always, I love you big, mean it. If you're struggling, just for today, find that one thing. If you need help, call me/text me and we will find it together.
