You are loved.

One of the first people I met when we got to Austin was Ricky. I met him at a seminary-sponsored dinner at the dean's home. We began our conversation over an Austin microbrew. I learned that Ricky was a former Roman-Catholic priest. I felt an instant connection. He could understand my issues with the RC church. He was hilarious. We are "formers." We talked about Austin, moving, and were able to find some comfort in an unfamiliar place.

As our friendship developed I learned about Ricky's somewhat alter-ego, Sister Amor. Ricky is a novice of the Sister's of Perpetual Indulgence. He and other sisters dress up as nuns and do various forms of ministry and philanthropic events. Honestly, he had me at glitter and lashes. Eventually I got to see Sister Amor through a few events. Sister Amor and Ricky, are to me, the same person. They manifest from the same place. That place is love. Sister Amor often hands out cards that say, "You are beautiful. You are loved." I keep one on my desk at work.

Ricky will be leaving in just over 2 months. He will find out where his next call is soon. Selfishly I hope it's close because the thought of continuing this seminary journey without him, there are too many feelings. Before writing this blog post I asked Ricky's permission, he was generous and agreed. Rick knows that our home, wherever that may be, is always open to him. But only if he brings glitter...

You are beautiful. You are loved. -Sister Amor

A Marriage to Be Cherished

There are lots of topics which I teach my students that have little to no bearing on my personal life. Once in awhile something smacks you in the heart and you take a look at the subject from a personal view instead of a clinical one. This week's lesson is on cognition. Alzheimer's, dementia, etc. While I have no (known at least to me) familial history of any of these diseases I am moved by the way they change people's lives. Part of my lesson this week I am going to talk about early-onset and genetic Alzheimer's.

Prior to this week's lesson I had very little understanding of either of these types of Alzheimer's. Let me say, unequivocally, these are devastating to the entire family unit. Alzheimer's is never easy. Never. However learning, in your 40's, watching your husband, wife, mom, dad, etc quickly lose their independence, personality, and with it, your partner/kids become your caregiver, that is something on another level. I've watched quite a few videos but that does not do justice to what these families and the patients go through.

Inevitably it makes you think about, "what if this happens to me/us?" What I know for sure, if I am the one diagnosed, without fail, the VIT would move heaven and earth to take care of me. He would bath, dress, feed, sleep, and watch over me with intensity that would give ICU nurses a run for their money. I hope he knows that if the situation were reversed, I would do exactly the same for him. After almost 8 years of marriage, almost 10 years together, I know that I will not be alone. Marriages are not made on cake, ceremonies, or flowers. Marriages are built on so much more. They are built on the everyday. And if you're really lucky, you get to still be picking up one another's socks after 50+ years. I love you B, to the moon, around the stars, and back again.

Spring In Texas

This weekend we spent doing yard stuff to improve our view from the street. Anytime we undertake these ventures I begin to think about where we are, where we've come from, and where we are going. Yesterday the VIT and I were driving to church and I began talking about my obsessive need to know what 'the next steps' are. Where are we gonna move? What is the new adventure? Where will we live? I'm the person who coordinates the logistics. It is something I excel at. I enjoy it. For the first time in a very long time I'm not in that mode. I'm not ready to stay but I'm also not ready to leave. I'm feeling comfortable in the middle. In the shallows of still water. I know the rapids we've passed through and I see the water picking up speed ahead but for now I'm content to be in the place. 

Yes, it's hard. We are far from the only home our girls have known. We still have at least one crying kid a week begging to go home to Reno. And sometimes I cry with them. I miss my friends there. I miss My Favorite Muffin Bagels. I miss coffee with Nikki. I miss lunch with Tricia. I miss the traffic that picks up with the coming spring/summer events downtown. I miss our church. Easter won't feel the same when it's like 90* outside. I also love a lot of things about this place. I love the porch where it's not under feet of snow. I love that it is March and I'm wearing sandals. I love that we can let the girls dance out in the rain if they want because it's warm. I love that my oldest girl has friends and Daisy Scouts. I love my friends here. There is a lot of loving and sharing that has happened here. I love Ricky and Sister Amor. I love that Corrie knows when things have hit the fan and somehow a bottle of champagne ends up on my door step. I love that Lucy is Lucy. There is a lot of very big love here. 

So as we try to continue to navigate this journey we will dig in the dirt. We will sleep in humid slumber. We will learn to ride this smooth portion and even when the kayak tips and we fall over we will learn to love the moment. Because time stops for no one. But if you're there know that I love and miss you. If you're here know that I appreciate you and love you too.