Mothering Sunday

 The very first time I ever heard the term "Mothering Sunday" was in the spring of 2014. We were still new to the Episcopal church and new to our parish, St. Paul's Sparks. As I listened to Fr. Kirk give his sermon on Mother's Day he mentioned something about Mother's Day being difficult for some and that the term Mothering Sunday is a way to be inclusive of all those that mother and nurture us. Sometimes those are our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and friends. That message stuck with me. 

My relationship with my own mother is....complicated. Well, actually, to be very transparent, it is not complicated. She never wanted to be a mother. She was absent both physically and emotionally for most of my life. When convenient she would pop up and play "mom" until something better came along. She was abusive emotionally, physically, and psychologically. She herself suffers from undiagnosed mental health issues and generational abuse and really never developed much empathy. I suppose that some could say that she did the best she could but she didn't. Giving me over to almost anyone would have been better. I stand behind that. 

My relationship with my grandmother, great-grandmother, and one of my great aunts was where I learned how to have empathy and compassion, how to love, and even though it wasn't their job they went over and above to make sure I was as safe as I could be, while not in their care. I appreciate the love and grace they showed a child who was so desperate to be loved and protected. 

At 42 I look back and from about 15 years old onward, I raised myself. I made mistakes and learned how to adult on my own. Occasionally my mother would pop in, usually for things like graduation, weddings, births of children, etc where she could claim to be "mom" but then would disappear and be content with a long-distance languishing relationship. I have raised myself for nearly 30 years. I've learned a few things...

1. I'm hard on my kids. I have high expectations but they know that their mom is always going to be present. I will always be their most rigorous supporter but I will keep them level too. You can have high expectations and show them, unconditional love. 

2. I have broken a long chain of generational trauma. It ends with me. It's been such hard work but it has truly set me free. 

3. I am proud of the woman I am. I have had help but I have also walked a lot of this path alone. I am who the tiny Jerilyn needed. I am a champion for myself. 

4. I have amazing mama friends. Some of them have 2 legged children and some 4. All of them have taught me how to love myself and my kids. I am forever grateful to you. 

5. I have an amazing mother-in-law who shows me how to transition through the hard years of raising babies and kids to learning to parent adults. She is an amazing soul who loves her kids and expects them to be good humans. Kathy, thank you for being an amazing role model. 

So if you find yourself struggling with this mothering Sunday, solidarity. Not everyone's journey through, to, and beyond motherhood is good or easy. But know this, you are important and worth it. If you and your mother of origin aren't on the best of terms or things are difficult, let me say it loud, YOU ARE LOVED. Full Stop! 

To all the moms, people who mom, people who want to mom, and people who mom all living things, thank you. We see you and you are important. 

Teacher appreciation

 This week we celebrate all that teachers do. As a professor, I often get emails or social media messages thanking me for being a guiding force in someone's life but this week, this is the week for the real heroes. Primary and secondary school teachers are truly amazing beings. As a parent, I got a tiny taste of what they must do during the pandemic and I can say, unequivocally, they are just built differently. Their hearts, their minds, their desire to literally educate the world, y'all they do it all. 

I know that none of us have been sheltered from the reality that teachers are being faced with daily, especially with gun violence on the rise. I cannot tell you how much my mama's heart breaks when I send my kids out the door each and every day. The thing that keeps me from completely jumping out of my skin, I know that Mrs. Trawick/Mrs. Haggins, Ms. Hernandez, Mrs. Neff, Ms. Grierson, Mrs. Stewart, Mr. Stevenson, and Ms. Juarez are looking out for my babies every day. I know that Miss Courtney and Ms. Stacy make sure the littlest PK is safe (even if he is a bit clumsy and tends to find his head meeting poles and tables more often than I'd like). I have no doubt that if something or someone came with the intent to harm any of the children in their care, they'd do everything to make sure they were safe. 

The teachers that they've had up to this point would do the same. And they fill up their Stanleys, fill their lunchboxes, and say a prayer each day that they make it back to their families too. 

I'm so grateful for all the teachers in my life. My uncle was a kindergarten teacher for 40 years. He loved his kids with all his heart and made sure that each and every kid that came through his classroom knew that they were valued and important. He was always one of the first to tell me he was proud of me and that education would take me places that nothing else could. He gave me books and later money to buy books. He was a hero to many a kid on the North side of Albuquerque, NM. 

As I think back to the teachers that formed me, Mrs. Carlot and Mr. Wick showed me that my options were limitless and took the time to love on a kid whose world was in chaos. They took time, every day, to make sure the kids that came in and out of their classrooms were told, at least once a day, that they made someone proud. 30 plus years, later, that still sticks with me. 

This week I will send my kids with small tokens of appreciation for the thankless work that these professionals do. They deserve so much more. They deserve a living wage. They deserve legislation that protects them. They deserve appreciation because THEY EDUCATE THE WORLD. So if no one else tells y'all, I appreciate you. You make a difference every day. You are someone's somebody. Thank you!