Mothering Sunday

 The very first time I ever heard the term "Mothering Sunday" was in the spring of 2014. We were still new to the Episcopal church and new to our parish, St. Paul's Sparks. As I listened to Fr. Kirk give his sermon on Mother's Day he mentioned something about Mother's Day being difficult for some and that the term Mothering Sunday is a way to be inclusive of all those that mother and nurture us. Sometimes those are our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, and friends. That message stuck with me. 

My relationship with my own mother is....complicated. Well, actually, to be very transparent, it is not complicated. She never wanted to be a mother. She was absent both physically and emotionally for most of my life. When convenient she would pop up and play "mom" until something better came along. She was abusive emotionally, physically, and psychologically. She herself suffers from undiagnosed mental health issues and generational abuse and really never developed much empathy. I suppose that some could say that she did the best she could but she didn't. Giving me over to almost anyone would have been better. I stand behind that. 

My relationship with my grandmother, great-grandmother, and one of my great aunts was where I learned how to have empathy and compassion, how to love, and even though it wasn't their job they went over and above to make sure I was as safe as I could be, while not in their care. I appreciate the love and grace they showed a child who was so desperate to be loved and protected. 

At 42 I look back and from about 15 years old onward, I raised myself. I made mistakes and learned how to adult on my own. Occasionally my mother would pop in, usually for things like graduation, weddings, births of children, etc where she could claim to be "mom" but then would disappear and be content with a long-distance languishing relationship. I have raised myself for nearly 30 years. I've learned a few things...

1. I'm hard on my kids. I have high expectations but they know that their mom is always going to be present. I will always be their most rigorous supporter but I will keep them level too. You can have high expectations and show them, unconditional love. 

2. I have broken a long chain of generational trauma. It ends with me. It's been such hard work but it has truly set me free. 

3. I am proud of the woman I am. I have had help but I have also walked a lot of this path alone. I am who the tiny Jerilyn needed. I am a champion for myself. 

4. I have amazing mama friends. Some of them have 2 legged children and some 4. All of them have taught me how to love myself and my kids. I am forever grateful to you. 

5. I have an amazing mother-in-law who shows me how to transition through the hard years of raising babies and kids to learning to parent adults. She is an amazing soul who loves her kids and expects them to be good humans. Kathy, thank you for being an amazing role model. 

So if you find yourself struggling with this mothering Sunday, solidarity. Not everyone's journey through, to, and beyond motherhood is good or easy. But know this, you are important and worth it. If you and your mother of origin aren't on the best of terms or things are difficult, let me say it loud, YOU ARE LOVED. Full Stop! 

To all the moms, people who mom, people who want to mom, and people who mom all living things, thank you. We see you and you are important.