Memories and Valentines

 Yesterday the Vicar spent some of his afternoon clearing a space for what will become my office in our garage. In that process, he cleaned out several buckets of clothing. We have 5 kids and hand-me-downs are frequent, appreciated, and meaningful for us. One of the greatest contributors to our stash is from my very best friend and the clothes belong to our dear girl who passed on to the next world. Over the last 9ish years we have gotten so many of this sweet girl's hand-me-downs. My friend has said multiple times that she loves seeing the clothes in pictures and it has made her feel close although we are separated by 2 time zones and far too many miles. 

I thought we had gone through the last of the hand-me-downs but this morning I pulled out a shirt and it had the smell of their house and I was overcome with love and a sense of loss. I sat with that shirt for several moments before continuing on with the morning because for the briefest of moments, our sweet love was right there in my living room and I could not only feel her but her mama too. I could feel their hugs and smell the scent of their home and even hear their sweet pony of a dog (they have a Great Dane). And for just a second I was able to have two more parts of my heart back in place. And to top it off it wrapped one of my girls in their love. Who knew a simple heart shirt, purchased years ago, worn, washed, and loving packed away, stored for almost 18 months, and pulled out could evoke all that? It's what I will always call a Lu moment. Her love always shows up. 

My dear friend and I have always said that finding people who love your children like their own, who show up on special days, and even more so on the shitty days is a different kind of love. Those who know how much you need them and need you right back, those are few and far between. So on this day, generally set aside for romantic love, tell those kinda people that you love them too. Tell them and wrap them in love because I bet they'll do it back. And that kind of love, it's hard to find. 

So as I sit here with a huge plastic tub of clothes that I'll sort through I am filled with that familiar scent and lots of love. Love that crosses miles, ups, and downs, and even death. I love you T. 

You're too soft

 Ever since I began this OT journey, over a decade and almost a half now (gah...the time flies) I have been told that both clinically and academically I am a softy. That I prioritize relationship and support over rigor and strictness. Now, mind you this has been mostly from my supervisors and chairs, but my students have said on more than one occasion that I'm "hard" and have "high expectations". Both sets of stakeholders are right. I want to ensure that whether I'm treating you or your grandpa that I'm using evidence-based treatments and if I'm teaching you or your children or nieces and nephews I will be sure that they are meeting the program and ACOTE standards. I will keep the bar high but I will also check in with them and make sure they are doing ok as people. I will adhere to high rigor but I will also encourage you to advocate for some extended time on an assignment or a care conference where you say why you need some more therapy. Those are right and good things. 

Oftentimes, especially in academia, the accolades go to those who research and bring $$ grants and prestige to the institutions. Don't get it twisted, we need those folks, they push us in new directions and ensure that we stay on the cutting edge and make advances. I am eternally grateful for their work and their desire to live and work in that realm. I am not skilled in that area and work hard to meet the minimum standards on that plane. However, there are those of us who lean hard into the relationship side of teaching. Who see the student sitting in front of us as a link in a chain that extends back over 100 years and who will need to draw not only from their didactic knowledge of muscles, interventions, and conditions but from their inner self to connect to their clients. They need both. One without the other makes a mediocre therapist. As we continue to advance the practice of OT we talk a lot about finding those connection pieces but we don't always invest in the connections. We want the students to use their therapeutic selves but we are so focused on other pieces of the educational process (and it is immense) that we forget that they learn those skills from us and how we interact with them. We are their first teachers of the therapeutic use of self. 

Recently I've realized while I will be required to do research as part of my academic career it will always be a lift. And that's ok. I am here for the relationship and support piece. I love teaching students this art and craft. I love seeing their faces when things click. Getting emails about how they had a therapeutic breakthrough with a client. That is what fills my cup. I will always lean toward those. Again, so grateful for the researchers and presenters, I will be cheering you from the sidelines and asking you for tips. But maybe we can consider those of us who lean opposite of that realm? Let's move that scale a bit, and recognize that the "less academic" professors are working hard on the things that fill their cups too. We need both camps to make this engine that is so expansive and necessary to keep running. Let's ensure that all the people we work with know that their efforts are appreciated and important. Research AND Relationships. The best partnerships are where all parties feel like their contributions are valuable and equally deserving of recognition. 

So I'll keep being too soft. If you need a soft place to land, I'll be your girl. I'm also going to be advocating that the success scale be a bit more balanced. #Relationships #Academics #Clinical