A Year in a PhD Program

And just like that I turned in the last assignment of my 1st year's worth of PhD programming. There is a sense of relief as well as a sense of trepidation. About a month ago, after many months of consideration and concern over my lack of motivation to finish my PhD I made the difficult decision to suspend my PhD studies in the coming academic year. When I realized how close I was to beginning the dissertation phase of this program I began realizing that I was not passionate about this path. After much discussion with some of my most trusted friends and mentors I decided to stop doing this thing. As a wise and wonderful friend said, "PhD's are too awful to do them on something you don't absolutely love." She was right. She usually is.

So...I decided to sit with myself and really think about what I wanted. I want a PhD but I want it in something I LOVE. I love learning. It's my thing that keeps me upright. It makes me flex myself in ways that are sometimes uncomfortable but also teach me a little more about the world each day. When I think about what "fries my onions"-JS, it's advocating for those who need their voices raised. It about making learning accessible to everyone. It's about living into those areas that are difficult to navigate and using my privilege to raise those who deserve to have the same opportunities. Disability Studies with a focus on Universal Learning Design is where I've landed. So instead of continuing on an education-based PhD I am taking an intro statistics course and ASL I courses at our local community-college (back to my roots!) and I'm rather excited. I will also be studying for the GRE. Oh and still having a baby. I can do both.

This decision feels right. It feels supportive to my goals and my passion. But for reals, the GRE...gross.