I'm afraid

If you know me at all, you know very very few things make me fearful. I'm pretty unshakable. I believe that most things shouldn't be feared. I believe that there isn't much I cannot manage, handle, or deal with. I am good at calculated risk. And even if I'm scared, I won't show it because I've been trained to be the strong one. The cool one. The calm one. The collected one. My professors were good at their jobs. Your first patient as an OT student dies and you get to test out your CPR skills, little ruffled but let us finish the shift. Alternate power at the hospital goes out on your 2nd day of work as an OT, no worries. You got this. You do what you need to for about 12 hours and then you go home, shower, and do it again the next day cause people need you. I have spent almost 12 years of my life not being afraid.

As we sit on our 36th day of the quarantine, I'm scared. I'm scared for a few reasons:

1. I'm afraid for my students and former students out there. I'm afraid they will get sick. They won't be able to work. I'm afraid they will feel alone. I'm afraid they will not know that I pray for each of them by name and face nightly. I think of how in much the same way as I would take the place for my own children, I'd gladly take their place. They have a lot of promise and hope. They mean the world to me, even the ones that give me grief.

2. I am afraid the smartest and bravest people in the world are both telling us to remain safe at home and are getting weary. Science is a way of explaining things that can be explained. These are people who have devoted their lives to learning. Please listen to them. It's so important that we all listen. That we all follow the rules. Please stay home. When you can't, be calculated in how you are going about your business.

3. I'm afraid this is the first wave of this virus. I fear we will see more of this as we endure through 2020. I'm afraid people will grow tired of the social distancing and will not be responsive as the subsequent waves hit.

Overall I'm managing the day to day well. However, these fears keep me up at night. I know you know how you can help. It's as easy as staying in your home. Take care of yourself. If you need anything, and I can help, let me know. To my students, past, and present, I'm thinking of you daily. Take care of yourself. You are my heroes. Be well. <3