Happy Birthday Jerilyn Starr

 Today marks my 43rd trip around this crazy spinning rock. 43 years of learning, loving, grieving, and learning how to make the best of the next 365 days ahead of me. These last few years have been hard. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. Learning how to navigate the world without the vast majority of my biological family and leaning into the chosen family that has so willingly wrapped me and mine in love and acceptance. Learning to let people in. Learning how to live into the softness of this half of my life. Trusting my instincts and realizing that I'm so much more intuitive than I give myself credit for. Learning how to gracefully fail. Leaning into trusting others and realizing that this life is meant to be lived, 100% each day. Learning how to grieve and say goodbye to someone who continues to live. Sending her love and light each day while also knowing, deeply within my soul, that saying goodbye was the most loving thing I could ever do for myself. Kim, I wish you happiness and love. I hope on the other side of the veil we can find peace together but for now, you need to live your life and I need to live mine. I wish you all the good things. Learning how to navigate life without your parent, by your own choice, is not an easy decision but sometimes it is the one that ends generations upon generations of trauma. And allows your own children to be free from the pain. I love you, always have, and always will, but from a distance. 

This past year has been so joyous as well. I have excelled in my professional life. I have seen another group of students become friends and colleagues. I watched them leap into their careers. Y'all the kids are alright. They will do amazing things and I send them love and prayers daily as they jump into their careers. I'm so proud of their efforts and know that they will continue the legacy, art, and love that is what OT is based on. 

Physically I feel better than I have in 15 years. I'm well over 100lbs lighter and while the weight loss wasn't the main objective, to walk without pain, to be able to run and play with our kids, it gives me life. The road to today was not easy. It was fucking hard but so worth it. I'm grateful for this second half of my life. I am healthy. I am moving. God is good. 

As a friend, I've seen my circle grow and the continued relationships strengthened. I'm so grateful for my girls (and Brian). I love you all so much. You keep me going on the best and worst days. My life is better because you are in it. I love you so big and wide. Keep doing you and know without a shadow of a doubt, I'm here for you and so proud of you! 

To the vicar, it's been a helluva year! In the best and most challenging ways. You continue to be more and better than I deserve. 5737 days of love. This everyday love we have, I wouldn't change it for the world. You are my best friend, laughin' partner, and the thing I'm most grateful for. You challenge me to be the best person I can be. You cover me in unceasing prayer. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. I will always wish I had more years with you but the good Lord knew I needed to grow up a whole lot before I met you! Here is to at least 43 more trips around this floating space rock. 

If you're reading this, I'm so grateful for you too! I love you. Mean it. This world and life can get HARD but the easy thing is loving you. This love isn't just a bunch of words on a page but it is a verb. You need someone to dance with you till your legs hurt, I'm your girl. You need me to show up with the black van or suburban with no questions asked about what we're doing, I'm there. Drop your location. You need to scream into the void, I'll do it with you and then get you a Blizzard or Sonic drink cause hydration and calories help. If you want to be sad, I'll get you the good blanket and make sure you have good tissues. If you want to laugh, I've got a whole comedy routine ready. You want to share your great and joyous news, I'll cry buckets of happy tears! I can't wait! You are loveable. You are easy to love. Don't let anyone tell you differently. 

To myself....Jerilyn Starr, you are so loveable, smart, and kind, and you love big. You are a good mom. One helluva OT. And your legacy will be one of love. Simple love. You may not make any headlines or be a "star" but those who know you will feel your love. They will know that they are loved. Unconditionally. Without reservation. They will feel it. Oh, and you have an amazing smile. Do it more. Happy birthday, girl, we've made it so many more years than we thought we would and the best is yet to come. Let's have a helluva ride cause this is the only one we get. Let's do this! I love you big, J, mean it. Happy Birthday!