One thing that sticks out in my mind regarding marriage has always been some sage words that the VIT and I heard when we were going through our pre-marriage counseling. When we were on our Engaged Encounter weekend, which we were super skeptical about, we got to hear from two different couples and a priest (we were active and practicing Roman Catholics). One particular talk was based around how to deal with things when the newness of marriage wears off and life begins to sink in. The couple that we were in a small group with said, "there will come a time when love, it just simply won't be enough. You'll be forced to fall back on the commitment you make." At first that made me bristle..how could love not be enough?!?!?! Clearly they were wrong and maybe just didn't love each other enough. However, that phrase was emblazoned on my mind.
Fast forward a couple of years, 2 kids under the age of 2, exhaustion to a level I never knew possible and that phrase plopped itself right into my lap. It is not that I didn't love the VIT but things were rough. I was tired. He was tired. The kids were running us ragged. Life wasn't fun. It was fucking hard. We were still trying to navigate a fairly new marriage and parenting. I don't think there was a time when we seriously considered divorce but there were definitely days that I contemplated filling up that car with gas and seeing how far I could drive...
Every time we could feel the tension rise and things would get hectic I would retreat into myself and remember that I did love him and I was committed wholly to making our marriage work. It didn't mean we didn't fight. Didn't mean we weren't FURIOUS sometimes at each other. It also didn't mean I didn't love him so intensely, I did. I also wanted to smother him with a pillow some nights. I may have even told him that I would do that but raising these kids on my own would be too hard. At 2 am, I for sure meant it.
Fast forward to almost a decade, 2.5 more kids and more trials and moments of joy than I can count, that phrase is true. It's also something to take stock in and find comfort in. That commitment to our marriage is there. I still want to smother him sometimes. I also see how amazing of a husband and Dad he is. How he tirelessly has pursued his dream all while raising a family together. I am so fortunate that I often hear how amazing of a mom I am with work, raising kids, pursuing my academic goals, etc. I don't think he hears that often enough.
B, you are a good person. An amazing husband. A phenominal Dad. You have a problem with Monster. You are still the funniest person I know. I think you're in the making of fine priest. I commend your patience. Most of all I am thankful for your commitment to our family and our marriage. As we spend our last days as a family of 6, I am reminded that we will continue to renew our lease on each other. Love you TTMB
https://youtu.be/pHzAVDg4m1Q
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