You will hear her....

Recently I heard a song by Andy Grammer, She'd Say...it's one of those that hits you right in the feels. As I listened to it a flood of emotions filled my mind, my heart, my soul, and my eyes. As with all of my pregnancies I have felt the impenetrable loss of my Meme. She was as Grammer says she was the perfect mixture of a mama, a shaman, and a fiery pistol, of a lot of things. And sometimes I can hear her voice in the words I speak to my daughters (and hopefully my son). She would want me to tell them to love me, to love each other, to be kind, to be independent, and to love others as they would want them to love them. She would also teach them to do no harm but also to take no shit. She would teach them to make cornbread dressing. She would show them how to almost make her tortillas, cause ain't nobody make tortillas like Meme. Never. Full. Stop. She would envelop them in the scent of Avon lotion and White Shoulders. She would be their soft place to land and the boot in their ass when they weren't living up to their best selves. She would tell me to be strong with them but also that they were just little girls and to never crush their spirits. I miss her more with each passing day. Last night I had one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had of her. She was happy and joyous. It was perfect.

Shortly after hearing this song I shared it with Bryan. He too was so fortunate to grow up with two grandmothers who were mighty women. I'm always going to be sad that I never got to meet Ellen or Verna. Verna raised 6 children and was the pillar of strength for her family. She was a fiery redhead who ran a tight ship and showed a lot of love. Ellen, she was no less fiery and was tough as nails but loved her kids and grand kids with a love that is unparalleled. I am sad our children will not know them in the way that their Dad did but I know, unequivocally that they both live through their grandparents and Bryan.

As we continue to prepare to bring Harrison earth side we know, without a doubt, that at the moment, he will be ushered by his family that sits just on the other side of the veil. They will hand him over and continue loving us all from afar. We count the days, 53 for those whom are counting.

Andy Grammer-She'd Say