Almost one week ago, the only child I have ever loved as my own drew her very last breath. She was surrounded on this plane by her loving parents, in heaven by legions of those who watched her from afar and reached out to lift that veil so she would be brought into the fullness of life in God's time. It was likely one of the most brutally beautiful moments for her parents and family. She is, and yes, I speak of her in the present tense because since she has passed, her spirit has enveloped our family, seemingly random rainbows, beautiful cardinals, and storms that part, just over our home. In the waves of grief, I have seen her momma, one of my dearest friends, be the epitome of motherly love. She has shown grace, grit, pain, and above all else, a steadfast belief that her girl, the one she graciously shared with each of us, is exactly where God called her. Even in the pain, she knows this. When I think about the kind of mother, I wanna be, that is it. She shows me daily that mothering is holding on and letting go. Over the past few months, I have wanted to take some of this pain, to share that burden. I couldn't, and even if I could, she wouldn't wish that on anyone. I know she is taking care of herself the best she can. I'm thankful that soon, I will get to give her the deep soul holding, love-filled hug that I have probably needed more than she has. And I know, when things have settled, she will still be missing a part of her that continues on, simply in another realm, and she will someday see her again. I hope she knows I will never forget her sweet Lu. Never. We will speak her name. We will celebrate the years and miles she traveled here. Cause every beginning is some other beginning's end...until I see you, Lulu, say hello to the boys and give them a hug for me. I'll give your mom a hug from you.
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