Walk

 The Advent season has officially begun. This time of preparation for our Lord's birth is one which is so meaningful for so many. Each week we see the lights grow brighter as we joyfully await for the Lord to grace this side of the veil. While many of us are decorating, buying and lovingly wrapping gifts for loved ones, planning fun activities, for some this walk towards Bethlehem is one fraught with heartache and pain. Some are missing faces around their table, some are separated from their families by choice and by circumstance. The thing we have in common with each other, we are all walking. 

I am walking too. Walking towards the birth of our Lord but the load feels heavier this year. For some reason missing my grandparents more than ever this year. Perhaps it is because I see my children's friends in pictures with their grandparents and it takes me back to years of wonderful Christmas seasons and I worry they won't have those. Also, I had grandparents that made the season pure magic. My grandmother made things wonderful. Food, family, presents, and togetherness. I now know there was SO much that had to go on to make those seasons run and I think maybe that is also part of my grief, I'm now the one who helps make the magic but she is not here to just sit back and enjoy the moments. I am the one who helps my children see the goodness and mercy of the season. That makes me miss her. 

I find some comfort that she is patiently waiting for me to someday join her and until then is content to watch from above and it is she who sits with me in all the moments. She rejoices in my joy. She helps me in the moments of overwhelm. She sees that her legacy lives on. But I still miss her. And that's ok. I probably always will, especially at Christmas time. 

So as we walk this road towards the Christ child's birth, I see you. You see me. Let's try to find the space for joy and our grief. Both are holy and good. If you need someone to walk with you, I am here. Let's do this together. Walking, hand in hand, one moment at a time. 

Blessed hopeful Advent to you. 

-The Vicar's Wife