Enough is enough

 As a clergy spouse, you have some expectations that are placed on you and it's just part of the deal. One of the big ones is to not engage in political discussion. It inevitably alienates some of the congregation and makes you somewhat unapproachable. I've followed this rule, pretty explicitly. However, after yet another violent domestic terrorist attack on school children and teachers, I can no longer stay silent. 

I grew up in a household where guns were easily accessible. I was taught to shoot them at an early age. Engaged in hunting. I also was given a healthy fear of what they were capable of doing. I grew up with a veteran who had seen the ravages that happen when guns are used. I remember knowing where the guns were kept, where the ammo was, and that if I pointed a gun at someone, I had better be shooting to kill. As an adult, I married someone who also grew up similarly. We have had guns in our homes. We've not had ammo in years, 11.5 to be specific. We've discussed at length what do to with the two single-barrel shotguns that we have. They are currently secured where they are not accessible to children. In fact, I know our kids have no idea that we have them. Nor would they know what to do with them if they were to ever find them. They are in locked cases, have trigger locks, and there is no ammo in this house. We've taken every precaution and still, I feel unsafe with them in our home. 

Yesterday I watched the body cam of one of the officers from Nashville. My eyes and heart cried out seeing that sweet baby, the same age as one of our kids, blurred out on the floor as they were actively searching for the shooter. That sweet baby was murdered for being at school. Those officers did exactly as they were trained and stepped over her body to neutralize the threat. Bless them. They did what other officers did not. They did their job and I'm positive those images will haunt them forever. I wanted to stop watching the video but I made myself because much like the rest of the country I have started to become desensitized to the violence, partially in self-preservation because my kids have to go to school. As a two-income household, homeschooling is not a viable option. Additionally, they HAVE THE RIGHT TO FREE AND APPROPRIATE EDUCATION at a place where they won't die. When my 9-year-old was telling me about their most recent active shooter drill and said she is one of the kids in the outer circle because she's fast and she loves Jesus so if she dies she knows she will be okay, it broke my heart. She said it without fear and that demonstration of love for her classmates and a solid understanding of faith is remarkable and so terribly sad. For years I've been taking mental and physical pictures of my kids' outfits "in case" something happens. 

I know there will be people who want to respond that the answer is more guns but the data doesn't support that. I know there will be the good guy argument, but that doesn't track either. There will be people who come with tropes about mental health, as a mental health provider, give me and my colleagues the money to help or keep your mouth shut. This is an accessibility problem. Responsible gun ownership means that you understand the gravity of that with which you are charged. Otherwise, you are an adult person with a teenage mentality and should be managed as such. 

If this blog offends you, good. Now maybe you can understand how I feel when you tell me that I'm being silly or stupid as I pray over my children each day that I get the opportunity to pick them up from school instead of the morgue. If you're offended, please go tell that to the HUNDREDS of parents who never got to pick up their children. Those who had to identify them by their tennis shoes. Tell them that your right to own something NEVER intended for civilian use is more important than their baby. If you aren't ready to say that to their faces, you don't deserve your gun. I said what I said. If you feel like you want to talk to me personally about this, let's chat. Face to face. Anything I've said on here, I'll repeat to your face. Feel free to unfriend, unfollow, and generally avoid me if this makes you angry. You're allowed to feel how you want.